You Are Not Alone, we are all in the single parent journey together!

Most of us do not plan to be a single parent, and often times it comes upon us unexpectedly or rather sudden. We are thrown into a world that we did not plan or imagine and our hearts and minds are filled with various emotions from fear to sadness to grief and anger. We are left wondering how we got here and how will we make it. Have you felt that way?

Parenting solo is a responsibility that can feel overwhelming and yet a gift at the same time. I had many concerns for my child and how things would work out with custody. I thank God that I ended up with full custody. I lost a lot financially but gained so much more being the sole parent.

You are not alone on this journey. The feelings of fear, anxiety, anger and loss are normal. This is a process and I encourage you to take it a step at a time and embrace this time in your life and grow from it. I don’t say that lightly, I say it with compassion and encouragement for you that you will become a stronger and healthier person and parent from this journey you are on. Your kids need you and they need reassurance that all of you will be ok. You are more than ok! Please take a moment and let those words sink in. You are and will be more than ok. Every small step forward leads to bigger and better opportunities. I encourage you to be kind to yourself. You and your kids are grieving the loss of the family unit that was and figuring out a new version, a new way of life.

One day I mentioned to a friend of mine that my son and I felt lonely at times as we were used to being around a lot of family and friends. With the two of us it felt empty at times and we felt the void and loss of what we once had, whether it was dysfunctional or not, we had become used to being the family that was. Now it was the two of us and it was a big adjustment. Once my family unit fell apart, the reality of who my real friends were became a painful reality and the social life we were used to changed dramatically. Some family and friends seemed to disappear and we fell under judgement that was no ones place to make; but we could not control the behaviors of others and neither can you. However, you can control your actions, words and behavior and rise above the negativity and judgement. I tell my son often that unless we share with others what is truly going on in our lives, they really have no idea. They may think they do, but they don’t. We became very selective and wise with who we shared our hearts with, and still do today. They are folks who genuinely care about us, love us, and keep us in Prayer. They are also supportive, encouraging, and confidential. Those are the relationships to nurture and appreciate.

As my friend and I continued to talk and share, she had mentioned that she and her son had felt the same way when it became the two of them. She encouraged me to talk with my son, and together come up with some new traditions and experiences enjoyable for both of us, and ones that were more about the experience, the time together and the memories we would make. The experiences were for us, and not about money, status, or keeping up with others who did not care about me or my son. It also would help us adjust and enjoy being a family of 2, which we were not used to yet. She had mentioned how well that was working for her and her son, and the healing that was taking place for both of them and that they also had started to experience the warmth and joy of a healthy family. She also shared that the more open conversations she and her son had, the healthier and closer they became. They were forming a special bond. I went home that day with hope and a new perspective. I shared with my son the conversation I had with my friend and that day was the beginning of healing for us as well as some great ideas for traditions, fun things to do that cost nothing, and I will tell you those have been the most memorable and fun times we cherish.

I encourage you sweet friend to talk with your kids. Encourage one another to write down and share ideas for new traditions, new adventures, hobbies and games. It gets everyone excited and thinking positive and looking forward with hope. We all need that. One of the adventures my son and I decided to try was to pitch our camping tent in our home and put the camping gear inside, sleep in there, use our cookware and camping utensils. We enjoyed it so much, we invited another single parent and kids over and we made pizza and camped out and ate in the tent. It was a lot of fun. Once the weather warmed up, we moved the tent outside and pitched it in the backyard. We slept in it one night and the next night we had planned sleeping there as well after our movie night out. We were at the movies when a hail storm started. Lost power in the theatre, drove home as the hail dented the vehicle, came upon our home and we saw the tent flying over the roof of the house. It was like watching the Wizard of Oz during the part when their belongings were flying around from a storm. I told my son the only thing missing with the tent was Toto the dog and the bicycle. Needless to say, that tent was damaged and we had to retire that one. But, the memories we gained from that tent have been priceless.

One thing I had to let go of was being concerned about what others would think of these experiences that my son and I came up with, and you know what, it was a weight lifted from me to let all that go and enjoy being a single Mom to an Awesome son. We have had a lot of fun!

So my sweet friend, embrace this time you are in. Hold on to your kids with love and appreciation for who you are and who they are, and gratitude that you are together and healing as a family.

None of us are alone in this journey. Like my friend, she has shared such wisdom with me that has encouraged me on this journey with my son, and in turn I am encouraging you to keep moving forward and growing into the person God has you to be. Be there for yourself and your kids. You need each other, just as all single parents need one another. Support is not weakness, it is strength. There is great strength in community and love, all of which is here for you.

Talk with your kids, brainstorm ideas and get creative and start those new traditions and adventures. I look forward to hearing from you what your family has come up with and the joy it brings. Remember that small steps forward lead to great victories.